This section consists of seven ideas that I’ve come up with, the third one of which is inspired by some of Ross Noble’s material which he came up with. Just to prepare yourselves for this, the first four are much shorter than the last three.
A New Name For Anxiety Or A Panic Attack
I’ve come up with a new name for a panic attack or anxiety, and this would be a new word for society to know about, and it is ‘Heartquake’. It can be a pun on the words, ‘Earthquake’ and ‘Heartbreak’ and it can be like an earthquake but an emotional one, only a heartquake wouldn’t be as bad as an earthquake because earthquakes can kill thousands of people, whereas with a heartquake, it can’t actually kill you, even though it might feel like it can. I sometimes have days where I suffer from panic attacks, or heartquakes as I would prefer to call them, and rather bad levels of anxiety. I sometimes don’t know what actually causes it, but I sometimes think it comes from having a rather difficult childhood. I actually suffer from Phobic Anxiety Disorder which could possibly relate to that. There is also another word called ‘Heartache’, and the word ‘Heartquake’ can be a third and new one for the other two words that begin with the same five letters that make up the word ‘Heart’ which are ‘Heartbreak’ and ‘Heartache’.
An Idea For A Married Couple
Imagine if there was a couple consisting of husband Ryan Air and his wife Molly Air who would be married but have no children. Imagine if Molly wanted to go on holiday abroad but Ryan didn’t like going on a plane. Also, imagine if Molly liked classical music and wanted to go to a classical music concert, and Ryan didn’t thoroughly enjoy listening to classical music and was mainly into pop music, but went with her to the classical music concert as a compromise for not going abroad on a plane. Those would be two things that Ryan and Molly Air wouldn’t have in common, but what they would have in common would be wanting to be married but have no children. Their surname would be as in the television presenter and actress Donna Air.
An Idea For An Episode Of ‘American Dad’
I’ve come up with an idea for an episode of a cartoon comedy programme called American Dad where Hayley punches her mother Francine in the face, and soon afterwards, as a punishment from her father Stan, Hayley is on roller-blades, wearing the top half of a burqa, with a motorcycle helmet on, with a top hat, naked from the waist down, technically blind, on fire, and skating down a long straight road swinging a stingray and dodging an emu. This idea is related to a sketch from Ross Noble’s Fizzy Logic DVD in which he asks the audience for suggestions for his ‘falling owl stunt’ near the end of the performance, something which apparently hadn’t been planned for the show. The stunt became a spectacular because of the suggestions that came to him from the audience. Apparently, roller-blading is the gayest thing you can do. You can have sex with a man and that is less gay than roller-blading. Where else can you combine action and gayness in one perfect union? The only way to get more action and gayness into one short activity is to fire Elton John out of a cannon.
An Idea For A New Comedy Programme
I have also come up with an idea for a new comedy programme called 'Top' which can feature two main characters performed by an actor and an actress, Ricky by the actor, and Ellie by the actress. Ricky would be the equivalent of Rik Mayall's character Richie in the comedy programme Bottom, and Ellie would be the equivalent of Adrian Edmondson's character Eddie in 'Bottom'. The reason it would be called 'Top' is because 'Top' is the opposite of 'Bottom'. It would be similar to the comedy programme 'Bottom', and will have consisted of original scenarios and stuff that could have happened in 'Bottom'. Obviously it would be amazing if it was to happen, and would be even more so if the male actor and female actress would be a real life couple unlike in 'Top'. Richie and Eddie were flatmates in 'Bottom', and so Ricky and Ellie would be flatmates in 'Top'. It would remain to be seen if such comedy programme does come into fruition. Mind you, the comedy programme 'Bottom' is around 30 years old now as of 2022, and also might be a bit dated now unless I am much mistaken.
A New ‘Life After Death’ Idea
It is with critical importance that this doesn’t get misinterpreted as some kind of anarchism or whatever, but I have also come up with a new ‘Life After Death’ idea where all the bad people in the world who have ever lived go to Hell, but rather than burning in the fires of Hell and having terrible things happening to them there, they have voices in their own heads that continuously yap to them about all the terrible things they had done in their lives. Just after they die, they are on the stair lift to Heaven, and just before they get to the top of the stair lift, it turns into a slide at the very point where God makes them turn nice and makes their voices in their own heads kick in, and they slide back down the stair lift, and they go down to Hell. They are then forced to hear about all the good people in the world talking about all the terrible things they had done in their lifetimes, and their voices in their own heads are continuously yapping to them about what they did.
It would be a harsh punishment for them, and also a harsh lesson for them to learn for their own good, so although they have a horrible time in Hell realising what they’ve done having turned nice, nothing terrible actually happens to them. I think the reason some people call them voices and others call them inner critics, is because some people don’t seem to think straight away to call them inner critics. That’s what I think anyway. Not that I have voices anymore personally, but I think I myself can begin to refer to them as inner critics. Anyway, after enough time of experiencing guilt and shame, and when all the terrible things they had done in the time they had been alive are no longer big news, each one of them is transferred to each infinite paradise that God and the Devil feel suit them with an infinite inhabitance, and on the way to that paradise, they are transformed into a good looking young person in a way as if no one on this planet would recognise them, and also, their voices in their own heads go away completely on the way.
Also, the infinite population of that paradise don’t know anything about what they had done, and are just infinitely happy to have them as part of their paradise forever, and they are the King or Queen of that paradise forever. They would be paradises for all the former bad people who are unqualified for the proper Heaven such as Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, Joseph Stalin, Charles Manson, Jimmy Savile, and the Marquis de Sade, and that the proper Heaven is for all the good people in the world who have ever lived. And so every single person in the world would have a happy ending whether they will have been good or bad in their lives. I suppose really, in a way I could be a pioneer of that kind of approach towards life after death that I have never heard anyone else talk about that kind of approach. Whether or not this will have not been a new thing if it’s been going on behind closed doors would remain to be known.
Also, Charles Manson died in late 2017, and although the terrible things he had done during his lifetime are well and truly a thing of the past now, whether or not he’d be in his infinite paradise as a handsome young man yet and no longer having voices in his own head would remain to be seen, though I’m sure he won’t have had so long to wait. Yet another example Joseph Stalin was responsible for the deaths of millions of people through his policies as leader of the Soviet Union. He died back in 1953, and although all the terrible things he did remain a part of history, they’re no longer big news these days, and so he would for a long time now have been in his infinite paradise that God and the devil feel suits him as well has having been transformed into a handsome young man and no longer having voices in his own head. Yet another example would be Jeffrey Epstein who died in his jail cell on the 10th of August 2019 at the age of 66. His death was ruled by the medical examiner as a suicide, although Jeffery’s lawyers have disputed the ruling.
For the rest of the time these investigations continue and are big news in America particularly, he would yet to be in his ideal paradise that God and the devil feel would suit him as a handsome young man and no longer having voices in his own head, though obviously not the proper Heaven that will have been for all the good people in the world. Also, the technology that was around in various bad people’s generations will have been around in each paradise that would come for them, and will have stayed at that level because they will have remained used to it, and the different standards of this world in different time periods will have been exactly the same as in each alternative paradise that will have come for each bad people in the world who will have ever lived. Also, although the light bulb hasn’t always existed, it will have already existed in the alternative paradise that will have come for all the bad people in the world who have ever lived in the time the light bulb is here.
In some other words, all the things that haven’t always been around in this world such as typewriters and kettles and even CD players for example will have been around in different alternative paradises that will have come for all the bad people who will have ever lived in this world in different time periods. I would say that each alternative paradise that will have come for all the bad people who will have been around in say, the 1800s, will have been out of date for all the bad people who are around today and will have failed to make the grade for the proper Heaven, and will have been yet to go through what is mentioned in this piece of writing. Personally I’m alright with the technology that’s around today, but at the same time, I don’t trust all of it. I would say in some people’s cases, it’s all gone haywire in current times. Also, in each alternative paradise, all the former bad people who will have ever lived in this world put their previous lives behind them. As well as Jimmy Savile being one of the examples of being unqualified for the proper Heaven, it is with extreme importance that anyone who reads this bit on my website fully understands that I am not trying to soften public opinion of him, and I really do mean that.
Also, in October 2020, the BBC announced that it would be commissioning a mini-series called The Reckoning, which would recount Savile’s rise to fame, and the sexual abuse scandal that emerged after his death. It was expected to be broadcast by the BBC in 2022, but was eventually released in October 2023. A source said, “The four-part drama is being edited in such a meticulous and careful way, so as not to create more pain and suffering for Savile’s victims.” In April 2022, Netflix released a two-part documentary, Jimmy Savile: A British Horror Story commissioned from 72 films. It covers the life and career of Savile, his history of committing sexual abuse, and the scandal that occurred after his death in 2011, when numerous complaints were raised about his behaviour. If it turns out that Savile is still in Hell and still has voices in his head yapping away to him about all the terrible things that he did, then in Hell, as a further punishment from the devil, Savile will have been forced to watch 'Jimmy Savile: A British Horror Story' while it was being transmitted.
He will have also been forced by the devil to watch 'The Reckoning' when it did get transmitted in October 2023 as yet another form of punishment for him, and if it turns out that the whole world finally moves on from the scandal properly after this so called crime-drama finished, then he will have finally been transferred to his ideal paradise and have been recycled into a handsome young man on the way as if no one in this world would ever recognise him, and his voices in his head will have gone away completely on the way as well, and the inhabitants of his ideal paradise won’t have known anything about what he did in the time he was alive and was a part of this world, and would just be happy to have him being a part of that paradise for eternity, and that he would be king of that paradise for eternity. I'm updating this bit on my website in August 2024
I honestly thought the whole world will have moved on from the scandal properly by now seeing as other things have happened in world news since his death and since the story broke, the coronavirus in particular. And so if my very own 'Life After Death' idea does turn out to be true, Jimmy Savile will have still had to wait until at least 2024 when what happens to him does eventually happen having been in Hell since his death in 2011 and having voices in his own head yapping away to him about his terrible crimes that happened over several decades. Had 'The Reckoning' not been pushed back to October 2023, what will have happened to him probably would have happened sooner, that's if it has happened yet.
An Idea For An X-Rated Disney style stand-up comedy Film
I suppose really the children shouldn't know anything about this part, but I have also come up with an idea for an X-rated Disney style stand-up comedy film where fifteen various animated film characters are performing various material by Billy Connolly between them that he performed more than once over the years and are also performing original stuff between them that he could have come up with in his own stand-up routines. These fifteen characters from various Disney films would be in human form and would be exactly the same as from various animated films and would be performing stand-up comedy in the exact style of Billy Connolly, but at the same time, they would be in the style of real life people and would not only have exactly the same names, but would also be on the autistic spectrum. They'd be like animated film characters from an Autistic parallel universe in a way.
They would even have exactly the same voices that were provided for by exactly the same actors and actresses who will have voiced them, in which case, if such stand-up comedy film was to come into fruition, it would have to be via some kind of artificial intelligence technology or something. I'm adding this bit to my website in November 2021, and it'll remain to be seen if the stand-up comedy film does come into fruition, in which case if it does, it would probably be best if it was to be a 15 certificate or an 18 certificate, and the fact that Billy Connolly retired from stand-up comedy in 2018. If it was to happen, it would be best if it was to happen after his future death. More to the point, after he does die, a lot of the shows that he did that were out and never got re-released will have probably been released again. Although he has taken to his art now, I think he will always be best remembered as a comedian.
This stand-up comedy compilation film will have had fifteen scenes, hence each scene featuring each different animated film character, and it will have been about two and a half hours long because each scene will have been about ten minutes long, hence 15 times 10 minutes equals 150 minutes (two and a half hours), the same approximate length as a film from the Harry Potter franchise. It wouldn't be like a normal film featuring a plot that pretty much occurrs in every film, it would once again be the kind of film featuring stand-up comedy being performed by fifteen different animated film characters in Billy Connolly form. It would also be like on a Billy Connolly compilation DVD. I don't think the film should be released on DVD because if it was to be on the shelves in a shop, some kid would probably be desperate for his or her parents to buy it for them, and that the kid would be in for a nasty surprise if his or her parents did get it for them.
Perhaps if the film was to be on Netflix or something it would be a lot better. I beleve you have to be a certain age to use 'Netflix'. I've never used it myself. I wouldn't yet know what the film would be called, but below this paragraph would be the cast of the fifteen Disney characters in order of appearance which as you can see and as you can imagine has been done with very funny humour. You may know some of these film characters from various animated films. As you can see, I have given every one of them Wikipedia links, and you can see which ones I mean if you click on any of them.
Billy Connolly - Aurora
Billy Connolly - Belle
Billy Connolly - Aladdin
Billy Connolly - Ariel
Billy Connolly - Mulan
Billy Connolly - Tiana
Billy Connolly - Rapunzel
Billy Connolly - Merida
Billy Connolly - Elsa
Billy Connolly - Anna
Billy Connolly - Kristoff
An Idea For The 'Red Dwarf' Movie
Although I'm nobody's writer or performer, I have also come up with an idea for the 'Red Dwarf' movie. Before I go onto that, I read on the Wikipedia page for the sitcom Red Dwarf that since the beginning of the seventh series in 1997, Doug Naylor had been attempting to make a feature-length version of the show. In 2018, Doug suggested production of the movie was still under consideration, "The order will probably be another TV series, a stage show and possibly a movie, and I think the guys agree on that. The film is a long shot at this point just because it can take so long to get funding." Production must have been troublesome for all this time. Is this the kind of problem that should happen for possibly one of the best comedy programmes of all time? Absolutely no way in my opinion. I'm adding this bit to my website in February 2023, thirty-five years on from the very beginning of the programme's history. I myself will have obviously been too young to remember it first starting. Mind you, I'll have been far too young for it in its early days.
Now, once again I'm neither of the show's writers Rob Grant or Doug Naylor, and you know this is just me trying to lend a helping hand here, and I also currently wouldn't know what the full plot in my ideal 'Red Dwarf' movie, but towards the end of it, there would be this time-hole that the crew would unexpectedly come across. There has previously been a time-hole that the crew came across in the first episode of the third series called 'Backwards', in which they go into the time-hole (seperately and not all together) only to find themselves in a reality where time is in reverse. Well, for my ideal movie of 'Red Dwarf' near the end of it like I say, and I'm a firm believer in stories having happy endings, unlike William Shakespeare with his plays, but the crew come across this new time-hole, and the crew somehow know that they would end up back in time as well as back at Earth if they go into it, and Lister asks some greasy demi God, "As well as us ending up back at Earth if we go into this time-hole, how far back in time would we be?" And the crew think to themselves that this demi God wouldn't say "three million years", and that his answer would be anything but that, and guess what he says much to the surprise and joy of the crew? "Three million years".
And so they go into this new time-hole, and they end up finding themselves three million years back in time, and they are eventually back at Earth. I currently wouldn't know what year they would find themselves in, but the whole premise behind this happy ending is Lister reunites with his family, and his family are unaware that he has travelled back in time by three million years from when the human race won't have survived, and they think he has returned from the Red Dwarf ship after just several years of being in space, and they are also like "Welcome home". As well as it being a happy ending for the whole of the crew, apart from Lister reuniting with his family, I wouldn't yet know what would happen with the other characters Rimmer, the Cat, and Kryten, although I can also say that Rimmer finds himself somehow no longer a hologram and that he's alive again having no longer been dead.
On account of production for the 'Red Dwarf' movie having been troublesome for so many years now, this partial idea of mine could be a start. Obviously it would probably be the end of the programme's history if such plot was to come into fruition for the film version.